Resolution

New Years Eve, eve, and my thoughts are turning to 2007, and the possibility of a New Year resolution.

Two years ago, for both financial and health reasons, the decision was made to stop smoking. However whilst preparing for my Radio show, I came across some statistics which led me to believe that my attempt was doomed to failure within a matter of days.

Holding back just a few weeks gave me the edge. A good two years have now passed and I remain a non smoker. I feel No better off financially nor health wise but that leaves me a couple of options for this year.

So my advice to you is to try your best to be realistic with your resolutions.

If you wish, follow my example and don't tell anybody what your plans are. This way, should you fail, so what, nobody knows, and you can try again later.

This year however I am going to spill the beans. I have two resolutions.1, Bearing in mind I am not allowed to use a gym, so getting into shape will be a hard one, but I am going to give it a go. I may even post my weight on my web site and let you help me.

2,My career will be another thing to get some attention this year. There may even be a total change in direction, but lets see. One step at a time maybe.

Was that it ?

Doesn't time fly? One blink and its gone for another year. I hope you got everything you hoped for this year, if not, fear not as another one will be along before you can say It only seemed like yesterday.

Christmas day as always runs with one or two minor disasters, firstly my body knows when i have time off work and gives me full blown man flu with a smokers cough (even though I stopped smoking two years ago)

And (bless her) Carol said to me, "just so you have something funny for your blog, I have cooked the Turkey with the bag of gibblets inside"....... She wasnt joking !!!! She had

Maybe the Turkey Growers know that people are getting dafter as the years move on. I think ours had a Fire proof Gibblet bag. Because it survived intact without any harm to our Christmas dinner.

Another busy christmas and a well deserved rest on boxing day.

Best Wishes to yo all

TRACK SANTA

At the time of updating this Blog, I have in on very good authority that Santa will be on his way within Two Hours.

Click on the link to Track Santa (with the help of Norad)

It's getting very exiting.

Elf Expression

Have you seen what Andy My web expert has done to me.

Must admit, I am a bit of a mover.

Merry Christmas

click on the Link or Title to see me move.

The Fog

How Strange is this.?

I have just finished my latest book,(not writing but reading it) The Title of the book was "The Fog" By James Herbert. A Story of (you guessed it ) some fog.

Not, I may add, any ordinary fog, fog that drove people Mad, Crazy , Loopy. With this story fresh in my mind, I actually found time this week to go into Southport for a little Christmas shopping.

Carol has actually done most of the present shopping, but you can never have too much help. can you?

after a short time, I found myself, not so much shopping, but watching other people shopping. What were they buying? why that? who for? And before long found myself thinking "Had we had any Fog" are they infected.

Women who should be buying scalextric for their hubbies or boyfriends were looking at really Cr*p presents and new pan sets.

I was in so much shock, I returned dis-heartend and empty handed. Must try again tommorrow.

ahhhhhh

Managed to get a little time over the weekend to do a little Christmas shopping and, a little web surfing. What do yo think. Bet it's Ahhhhhhhhhh

Click on the Link to see clip

Big Night Out

For many years I have donated some of my spare time to Hospital Radio. Having a huge interest in radio, made this hobby a great way to put a little back into the community, have a great time, and, as it turned out prepare me for a brand new career.

Radio Whiston was my very first station. This was a breeding ground of great radio talent. Derek Webster, John (Gilly) Gillmore and Tony Cookson to name just three all under the watchful eye of Ray Ferguson plus many of 1067/KCR the Rocket's presenters, all cutting their teeth on Avenue 3.

After a short break I returned to Hospital broadcasting, this time at Radio Ormskirk General. What a station. I have made many very good friends at the station over the years, and still bob in to say hello.

Radio Ormskirk General have also had a lot of success in the way of radio and TV talent. John Culshaw (dead Ringers) and the legend that is Allan Beswick, and I am very proud they list me too. I was the regular Tuesday Night Presenter after taking over from Andy Williams (na not that one)

tomorrow night is the Tuesday Posse Christmas Night out and I've been invited.. How good is that.? Barbara and Jean, two of the original Tuesday posse girls will be there. (they are still at it, how devoted are they).

Brian my old programme controller and all some of the new kids. It should be a great night. So look out The Hayfield in Ormskirk.

Check out the link below for info on Radio Ormskirk General, maybe you could get involved.

Cheeky Sods

Not because Carol is a bad driver (Honest). One of my summer jobs was to knock down one of our gate posts with a view to widening the driveway to Turley Towers.

As I have been so very busy doing the bathroom, livingroom and garage roof. I have , as yet, not got around to finishing the job. Mainly because it involves replacing a wall and I haven't bought my Bricky Mate (or what ever its called)Yet.

This tool makes anybody a top brick layer (Honest, I've seen it on TV).

Anyway, because we have no gate post , we have no gates. This is proving to be a complete pain in the arm. For some reason every car that comes up our road wants to turn around.

Lets think, shall we drive a hundred yards up the road, or turn into this nice wide driveway.
I am really tempted to put a spike strip in the drive, but sods law says I would be its only victim.

isn't the world full of cheeky bas*ards

Cor isn't it windy

With all the work virtually finished on the house, who would have thought nature would stick its nose in and start piling on the jobs.

The porch has been finished for quite a while now. Thursday turned out to be quite a windy one, and, just before 12 o'clock it became a victim of a gust of wind.

On hearing a strange noise outside the front window, it seemed a good idea to send Carol out to investigate. That way, if Carol got into trouble, I could go out in the wind and rain and rescue her.

"Its all over the front lawn" was Carols observation. With this news, I was forced to go out and see for myself "What was"

The whole apex fasia of the porch had indeed blown off. And is now on the top of my to do list.

Tell you what. ..............That saying is true..... No rest for the wicked.

EEK Who's Behind The Wheel

Apart from my ever growing hatred of arrogant, blind, bullying and dozy wagon drivers. The thing that scares me the most whilst out and about in my car is the sight of a cap.

They say that the older you get the more infantile you get. Take this as an example, Babies wet their nappies and some old biddies wet their pants. See where I am going.

Some (not all) people, who have a tendency to wear a flat cap also have the tendency to be really crap drivers. And as an advisory warning from me, should be avoided at all cost.

Likewise their younger counterparts, (who also seem to be prone to premature balding too) and after a few bottles of St*lla wetting their pants ( I would imagine) Have took to wearing a slightly more modern version on the flat cap, called a baseball cap.

Once one of these caps is worn in a car seems to turn the wearer into a more confidant but equally as crap driver. And as above should be avoided.

Got stuck behind one for eight miles on my way to work this morning. The other one neally ran into the side of my car because he didnt know what the little white liney things at the T juction were for.

I will leave you to work out which was which.

Not So Happy Shopper

Being a Tuesday, today is the day I call in to a supermarket in an effort to pick up a small and sometimes difficult list of items and objects as requested by my mum.

First task is to find a parking bay actually wide enough to take a motor car. From past experience I have discovered, the further away from the store the larger the bay.

These bays are usually less well lit and carry the added risk of finding on return one of your windows smashed by some PRI*K looking for loose change or your tax disc.

Once inside the store, as if by magic I somehow became invisible. Everybody who pushed pulled or swung a trolley managed to hit me with it.

Everybody seemed to want to stand in front of my target item and just stare at it, preventing me from getting anywhere near. If not a punter, it would be a member of staff moving all of the fresh produce to the rear of the shelf in an effort to make you purchase manky out of date stuff.

Have yoy tried to buy your favourite brand of pickles or sauce?. Whole isles of own brand stuff. What are they on? If my mum says Bartons Pickles THAT is what she wants.

Then ,there is the queue at the till. How many vouchers can a woman fit in a purse? Then to top it all pay the remainder in pennies.

Why do I always pick the wrong queue?


Today I opted for a middle distance bay, one with empty spaces either side. By the time I emerged from the store both spaces had been taken by knackerd old bangers, leaving me about six inches per side to squeeze me and my haul inside the car.

All that for a pint of milk an a loaf.

Shhhh we have let some off

Well I have to admit, I am a little surprised at myself for letting my blog slip. In my defence I will use the excuse of looking after Carol since her trip to hospital, and a series of minor problems with my car plus one or two flat packs to assemble to (Dress) Turley Towers after the recent renovations.

This weekend saw a few friends at the Towers for a tour of its facilities, and a meal at our newly assembled flatpack table.
After which we all retired (very quietly) to the back garden, to let our unused bonfire fireworks off.

Being more than a week after bonfire night, we were very aware of the possible anti social nature of setting off so many fireworks in our neighbourhood. And of course the risk of an ASBO and the scandal associated with one.

So with stiffled giggles, and feeling very naughty, we started the task. We realized after a very short time that we were in fact the only people at it, and the supermarket specials were in fact, quite loud. We spent a good half an hour or more whispering and shhhhhhing the fireworks as they went off.

We didn't last much longer than the half hour because with buy one get one free we knew if we continued through them all , we would get busted.. And pretty soon to. As we filed back into the house we caught sight of a neighbour and declared "don't know were those were coming from... Noisy B**tards."

May save the rest till New Year

Trafford Centre

With all the work that has been going on at Turley Towers, this weekend I gave in to Charlotte and took her on a return visit to The Trafford Centre.

Charlotte had been for an hour long trip to the centre last week with her school as reward for good behavior or grassing someone up.

It had been a while since my last outing and poor old Carol, had never been, so we removed all the valuables from the car including my satellite navigation equipment, printed a map and headed for Manchester. (you can tell I've had my car broken into in Manchester cant you).

Carol was asking me before we set off If I could remember what it was like. As if by magic and just from memory alone I was able to tell her about...... A glass dome, lots of fast food outlets with massive ques. And an atmosphere much the same as shuffling around in an airing cupboard.

We were not disappointed. The weather on Saturday was atrocious. Wind,, nearly blew us off Barton Bridge. All but the last car park we tried were full, and to top it all, we had to walk from our temporary out of town car park in the rain.

The entrance was through a department store with very over priced goods in it like glass candlesticks for 140 pound......Each. An assault course made out of oddly placed displays and even had staff trying to trip you up, by driving little radio controlled toys at you feet.

The airing cupboard at home wasn't a bad example really. Other than the fact we would have stayed dry, saved petrol, wouldn't have nearly gone to Leeds on the way home cos we only had a map to get there.

Plus Charlotte was bored without her 22 class mates.

Two days hard labour

Back to work tomorrow. Boy am I glad. Carol has been ill for two years now, and has just undergone an operation, part of which, was to confirm the fact that ..... She's been ill for the last two years.

At long last some treatment for her condition. Light at the end of, at times a very dark tunnel and Some hope for her to get back into the rat race.

What I found really odd, was the fact that the hospital gave me a note. This note was intended to reinforce the fact that "I" was to look after Carol.

Tonight, after two days hard labour, and bearing in mind, I have work in the morning. I had the cheek to ask Carol to make me a cup of tea. "I CANT" came carol's reply "Check the note,,,,, I cant use a kettle or cooker for 48 hours"

Convinced I had read the document fully, I explained "You cant drive or operate Machinery" She made me read the note again, after of course, betting me One Hundred Thousand Pounds. And Bugger me, it says she can't use a kettle or a cooker......... How did they know??

I'm Going To Get Done

Today is November the 6th. Its one day after bonfire night and I still haven't set off my grossly overpriced fireworks.

One reason for this is Charlotte. She had thrown a sickie and was far too ill to go into the garden to watch me fumble about with one of those burning stick thingies, trying to light tapers sufficiently enough to successfully ignite the high explosive paper tubes I had purchased.

Mind you, as a rule it is very rare to spend something like bonfire night as a family. We usually have friends round. It sneaked up on us. I had been meaning to call a couple of friends but as always left it till the last minute and then decided that it would be to late.

It is my strong belief that if I had arranged for people to come around, she may have made the effort to put a coat on and step outside.
The only other way would be to go to the nearest bus shelter wearing hoods and set them off there. That would probably appeal to a fifteen year old. Then we could nip into town and hang about the closed shops.

Carol has to go into Hospital tomorrow for an operation. All things being well a day or two to recover. We may be able to set them off at the weekend. I hope I don't get done for setting them off a week late. I know they are the in things to have but I don't want an ASBO....... Yet

Christmas

Who would have thought that, with entering a giant pumpkin into the Mere Brow Giant Pumpkin Competition, celebrating Halloween, cold weather and Bonfire Night around the corner. Christmas being next seemed to come as a bit of a shock for me this week.

Whilst doing my show I noticed our news team had put a poll on the Dune FM website, asking about Christmas. FIFTY percent of our listeners had actually done some Christmas shopping. WHY !!! What have they bought ?. I can just see people opening their presents. "OH What a lovely summer T-Shirt" " A Barbie,,, That will come in handy".

Maybe I am just a little miffed cos I've only just got around to putting my decks away from last year. Doesn't time fly. On the Plus side,,,, I can use my annual line on my woman at home.......... Soon Be Christmas .... Carol.


Well done to my Citroen Garage by the way. Took mine in for the recall on Monday morning. Got a lift into work and was later collected by a Girlie and taken back to the Garage. Didn't cost a penny for the work. (bet you don't here that often)

AT LAST

It looks like the DIY nightmare at home is at long last coming to an end.

Took the whole week of half term off work to complete the Bathroom, Hall and Lounge.
As always, things never go exactly to plan. Carpet for hall and lounge, Wednesday and bathroom flooring ....... Friday. TWO DAYS up at the crack of dawn waiting for fitters to arrive. NO TELLY, RADIO, SEATS for nearly 7 hours on Wednesday. New carpet looks great, however, the fitters removed a door, saying it had to be trimmed, and left it that way too. (not our job mate) ****ards.

Friday wasn't much better. Six hours trying not to go to the Loo. Spent the weekend putting away all the tools used over the past few weeks. Ready for a rest now.

Giant Pumpkins

For the 12th year in succession The Mere Brow Giant Pumpkin Competition took place at Brandreth Farm, Nr Ormskirk.

This was also my third time there as compare. The competition also helps out a nominated Charity each year. This year is the turn of The NSPCC.

Its a fun day out, and the pumpkins have to be seen in real life to be believed. This year, as last, I had a Pumpkin entered that didn't come up to size but that is partly due to not giving it enough love, care and attention.

What was a bit of a let down this year was a regular feature of the day was missing. Muck for Luck, (with a Duck). The Idea is a duck is placed in a small pen with a paper floor, on which is a series of numbers, each of which can be purchased for a sum of money. (for the chosen Charity).

I asked as soon as I arrived for the day of fun, the ducks whereabouts', only to be told "She wont be here........... we ate her............ What cruel and heartless ****ards. (Bet they hadn't she must have been at least 12 years old).

Anyway a good day was had by all, and my tiddler of a pumpkin came a respectable one place ahead of my workmate Dan's.

Check out the link below for more

Jane McDonald

I know,,,,, its Wednesday, and I haven't blogged for ages but our new carpet arrived today, and it was a bit of a rush getting everything ready for it. More on that later.

Friday started out to be a great day. Jane McDonald was to play the Southport theatre in the evening and had agreed once again to be a guest on my Radio Programme.

I have interviewed Jane a few times before, and have been to see a few of her shows. Last time around I took Carol, Charlotte and my mum too.

Our interview went very well, emails from all over England. (People listening on line). Lots of fun and a bit of gossip. I was even invited along to the show and arrangements were made to meet up with Jane backstage. (All very showbiz and exiting) Plus on this tour Jane is working with her mum. (two babes in one night eh)

As well as presenting my show, I have one or two extra duties. Friday is always the worst day of the week for one particular task. Especially if the member of staff who provides me with essential information from the HQ end wants an early dart. (Which she did after leading me well and truly up the garden path).

Hence a late finish for me and a very apologetic text to Jane for missing our mini date. Carol took it all very well too. It was to be our first night out together in ages, and she was all dressed up and ready to go.

Click on the link for a trip to Jane's website. (she's a loose woman too) on ITV 1

They want my car back

Received a letter the other day from my local garage. It so happens that this particular garage are fans of my radio show and therefore think I am minted. Saying that my car is a cracker, so I suppose it's understandable.

There would seem to be a little problem with my gear box. As luck would have it the car is still under warranty. However this is the second time its been called in, my tyres are starting to get worn and the exhaust cant last much longer.

This was the most expensive car I have ever purchased. It was my intention to keep it in tip top condition and keep it for years. This feeling of pride didn't last long though.

Whilst doing my show one day, I saw on car park TV what I believed at the time, to be a minor bump in our car park. A staff member appeared to back into my car, get out to have a look then drive off home.

Must have been a total coincidence as nothing was ever said, a scratch did appear on my car but none on his the following day.

Called in to the garage today to book it in for the work, and while there, asked about trading my car in to start all over again.

The salesman knew me. How strange is that......... Not from the Radio but from school.
Isn't it a small world.

Fingers crossed he said he would sort me out with a good deal. Wait and see !!!!

Mixed Emotions

Hasn't this week gone quick ?
Tuesday is my regular day to stop off at a Supermarket on my way home to get my Mum some bits and bobs, then off to her pad for some DIY jobs. This weeks job was a very wet lawn to cut in the dark.

I felt a little Guilty because Carol was at home with a Very Dead Gerbil. Akon (cos he was lonely) had made his last trip up his recently constructed gerbil staircase.
It was to be my job to dig the hole in our garden and bury him after conducting a short service.


He was the last in a succession of gerbils to live at Turley Towers
It was very sad but I didn't mind and I was getting used to trampling about in mud by this time.

Wednesday was a little bit of a dark day. Felt a little down really. House caked in mud, no gerbil and still not finished the house make over.

However A few things did help cheer me up. First was my mate Dan, (Dan Roach's Hits and Headlines Drive)
He had taken the time to write a little Poem about Akon and even read it out On Air for me, as he knew I would blubber. I would let you read it but I put it in the bin.

The second was in my dinner break. Had a quick walk into Southport Center and was recognized and approached by a female listener who said she loved my voice, and loved my programme. Hope It wasn't a case of mistaken Identity.

Knock and Run

Would you believe it? The amount of companies now playing the old kids game Knock and Run.
We had a call from British Gas to advise us they were to arrive to service our boiler sometime between 12.00pm and 6.00pm

Carol made the decision to spend most of the afternoon sitting in the front room. That way she would be able to observe all the comings and goings of the whole street. Remembering the boiler was in the airing cupboard and surrounded by towels she ventured into the bathroom to move the said towels to ease access to the boiler.

In what must have been two minutes. A stealth Gas fitter must have parked around the corner and hand delivered a card informing us of the fact that nobody was at home, and left a telephone number for us to call for a new appointment.

Carol instantly rang the number to protest at the sneaky antics of the engineer, and to ask for him to return to our address. She was told this would not be possible as the engineer was now on another job and unable to return.

Wow all this within FIVE minutes Sneaky and Quick.

The big surprise of the day, and quite remarkable really, was the Postman, he tried to deliver a registered letter whilst Carol was on the phone to the gas people. Talk about knock and run. He too left a note for Carol to let her know she wasn't in.

Ouch

It seems like I have been locked in my bathroom doing one thing or another for months. Well at long last I can say Job done, and tick a box. (nearly)

Had the house to myself today because Carol took Charlotte to stay with relatives. Charlotte is starting a work placement at a hair sylist in Lancaster for the next two weeks, working alongside her big sister Laura.

With both of them out of the way I could actually work in stints slightly longer that ten minutes. We now have a fully fitted bathroom, Tiled and painted with cabinets and stuff. With fully fitted floor boards. Just need flooring now

Hall is done. Next Job Lounge.

We need to get this done quick because we have ordered a Carpet for Lounge diner and hall. All floorboards fixed apart from lounge. (and it needs one wall papering and the rest painting.

Had a tidy up ready for carol to have a paint. Moved my Drums into Charlotte's room (if she could only see it)

Finished the working day with a trip to the Tip and managed to trap my finger between a stack of left over tiles. Ouch that hurt.

Smile Please

Don't know about you but I hate having my picture taken. Today at work our boss had organized a mass photo shoot. It was a little bit like a visit from a vet to a farm with foot and mouth, only we would survive the shoot with just the dread of seeing the resulting pictures.

The Presenters and the Sales staff all clean, polished and pressed were to endure the same fate. What was good about today was the opportunity to meet up with the guys and girls who keep the radio station working throughout the weekend and evening . These are the members of staff who usually miss out on having to endure standing up against a plain white background staring into the lens of a very expensive camera until you go cross eyed, blink or have a strange facial twinge as your stomach muscles cave in and let it all sag out.

Still we have the new pictures to look forward to, oh what joy. How fat will I look, did I squint blink, sag ?. And what or who is going to appear in place of the Blank screen.

Anyway you will be able to see at the same time as me as the pics appear on the DuneFM website soon. Click on the little link thingy to see in a few days.

But Please remember I quit smoking nearly two years ago, I am on tablets that have a side effect of making you put on weight.(Honest) AND I love food.

That was close !!

I have to admit it, I am a very slow tiler. With just one wall to go, It was possible to count up exactly how may tiles it would take to finally finish the bathroom. Two more boxes.

It seems like we have been buying tiles for ever, I wouldn't mind, there was an article on brainiac, demonstrating how much room you would actually need to swing a cat, and our bathroom ain't big enough.

Not one to miss out on a trip to my favorite DIY store, I seized the opportunity to make the last tile purchase. Making sure the chosen trolley was in good working order and not likely to stray to the left or right once loaded with tiles and yet another massive, Big, Giant, Very expensive tub of fix and grout.

On arriving at the now very well known storage area for out Grey Marble Giant tiles........... SHOCK, HORROR, AGHHHH. They had ran out. B***dy typical bet they've been discontinued just like the kitchen (one cupboard short).

The race was on. To the next town. As luck would have it BINGO they had a whole pallet load. Just got the two boxes, thought better of panic buying. Apart that is, for another pack of floor boards, (next job on the list) At least I will be able to whip my power tool out and get some screwing done soon.

How Big ??

I Know I did say I would fill you in on what has been going on with Carol, but its been another busy few days. Carol hasn't been very well for about three years now. It all started when she collapsed at work and had to be rushed to hospital.
On arrival a whole team of very experienced cool, confident specialists in anything you care to mention descended on her, stabilized her condition and then dropped a bombshell. Carol has a large lump the size of a grapefruit up her bum. Here is a sandwich and a cup of tea, you can go home now, but go to see your doctor tomorrow.

WHAT !!!!!!! True Honest

Its not been much better since. The poor girl has not been able to work and has been to see a specialist (in avoiding the question) diagnosed with every possible ailment on this planet but all without treatment available.


On reaching total despair Carol dared go to her Doctor who said. Why have you left it so long. You need to go and see somebody. Too right, someone that can find that Grapefruit, cos it's not been seen for the last three years.

No wonder she can be a nark.

What a week

As you will have noticed I have been absent without leave. Last weekend was so very busy, the time just flew by.

On Friday we received a call from Mr Gate man, we had nearly forgotten about a set of gates we had ordered, what seemed, like ages ago. They were due to arrive with an expert fitter early on Saturday morning. Being weekend getting up seemed like a big job and such a strain, manageable (just).

Mr Gate man was running a little late so by mid afternoon the gates where all but hung. It took a while however, to repaint and touch up to perfection. One day gone.

Sunday was a bit of a failed shopping day, no food, no toys, just DIY stuff. With the floor repair job is in full swing, it was, more replacement floor boards and a box of two hundred screws. Oh and one toy an Electric nail gun. (really useless for putting in screws)

The rest of Sunday and Monday were spent Screwing. I did however get the chance to use my new nail gun. The floor boards in the hall have creaked for as many years as I can remember, but with little wedges hammered under the floor joists and secured with nails from my new nail gun, Peace at last. One more room to do.

Tuesday is a trip to my mums after work. That made Tuesday a DIY free day, but an extra prep night for work on Wednesday.

Wednesday was a Somerfield Store opening, Which for me meant an early start, and a change from my air conditioned hi tech studio. My four hour Radio Show was broadcast live with no security to protect me from the probing public from the Freezing cold car park.

Today Carol had to go to Hospital to see a bowel and tummy specialist. more on that tomorrow because I will only end up slagging off our Local GP's for making Carol suffer, in pain, agony and total despair for a further two years, after the last mis diagnosis of whatever is wrong with her. (B***ards)

Wagons

What a pain getting into work today. I drive into work from a secret location each and every day. My Radio listeners don't really have a clue how far, or from which direction I travel.

Today I may have give the game away, Mainly, as a result of Chain-eating, newspaper reading, Sleep driving, Wagon Drivers. Oh I forgot Blind Bullies who wont slow down to let anybody join a motorway, or have any clue what mirrors are used for, other than to check on the carnage they have left behind.

My trip this morning, started out on a Motorway. Two wagons tailgating each other, until one spotted an incline, this is an unmarked que on any motorway for the slower of the two wagons to pull out of his leading opponents slip stream, indicating, but without using mirrors until after the maneuver, to see if any cars were unfortunate enough to be traveling alongside.

The next step is to drive side by side in low gear as slow as possible for as long as possible without letting your opponent pass, not forgetting to weave into the hard shoulder to kick up a few stones to play smash the car windscreen. Meanwhile the other driver has to weave into the outside lane to police speeding cars, and to have lunch and a sly read of the paper.

The average speed on the motorway according to my trip meter was fifteen miles per hour.
On arriving at a small village I have to pass through, news filtered through, that a Massive hole had appeared in the road on the one way system I was about to use "and people were looking into it" (ha ha,,,,funny).

Wonder if this had anything to do with our heavy friends in their big rigs (yes I think so too)

With just twenty minutes before I am due to go on Air I am sat at a railway crossing. Barriers stuck down. It took a detour to get me to work with just ten minutes to go. What was the hold up???? A B***dy wagon stuck on the track. W***ers.

That's Tangy

We haven't had Halloween yet, nor bonfire night, but at work we are talking Christmas parties. John and Neil our breakfast presenters are talking Panto ( Oh yes they are). They are in Peter Pan at The Crosby Civic hall.

Neil is on a health kick at the moment (so he says). And, I may add, needs to be. Being the best radio station in our patch means that for the lucky few, (Our Sales team plus John and Neil) certain perks are available.

These perks are mainly food and Drink related, free meals at various venues throughout our area, and food delivered to the Studio at stupid o'clock. Hence the need to be on a health kick. Don't worry a local Gym has come to the rescue and sorted out free membership. (not for me though)

I did try last year to get cheap membership and got totally ripped off. One of our local Gyms offered me a huge discount .....My A*se. My blood pressure was too high to join at that time, so they deferred my membership start date until my high cholesterol was sorted.

They stole money from my bank for a whole year without me being able to attend..... B***ards.

Anyway I have bought a Power Juicer and do loads of DIY . Who needs to prance around, lifting things for no reason, in a Smelly Gym wearing a leotard ,with blokes who train to look like they are carrying invisible carpets.

I can get my Five a Day with my Power Juicer. And Tonight I did just that. I had Beef Curry Rice Chips and Prawn crackers followed by a Carol special, Lemon, Lime, Orange, Grapefruit, and apple.

My tongue is nearly bleeding.

Well Done Lads

Tuesday the fifth of this month held devastating news for 52 full time and around 250 part time workers, with the closure of Southports Pleasureland. The news came also as a massive shock for many thousands of people who have enjoyed holidays and days out in the resort.

Working on the local radio station for the area, I had lots of feedback, theory's as to what went wrong, who's fault it may be and what may be happening next.

News also of financial groups getting together to save Southports fun fair, petitions against the closure. As I also present an Hour of News within my show, I cannot be seen to take sides and certainly cant voice my personal views on air. Other than "What a shame" "Oh dear me how sad".

When the news came, that apart from the closure, a team of engineers had been sent in to dismantle some of the Big rides in preparation for a move to blackpool, It really felt like the end of an era. Then to add insult to injury, or for complete spite, another team moved in to hack away at a seventy odd year old wooden rollercoaster called the Cyclone.

Well done to the Two coaster fans who held their own mini protest today by chaining themselves to the ride. (they came down when they thought they may be causing a hazard on a passing road). I don't usually have a view on protests but I back this 100%, I know it wont change anything but at least they tried. Well done lads. And while I am at it well done to the fathers for justice and anybody who has tried to abolish the CSA.

Phew Rant over

Don't you hate it when that happens

Sunday turned out to be quite an industrious day. I did have a bit of a shaky start, as I had made a complete mess of sealing the bath. With that major success behind me, I also managed to put up four new tiles. (ran out of tile adhesive).

I did lots of other stuff today........Honest.

One thing though, really, really got to me today. On Thursday morning I was running a little behind on time, and rather than have a bowl cereal for breakfast I had a little root around the kitchen and discovered a packet of very nice Gingernut biscuits (hidden in our bread bin).

Bearing in mind, Carol and myself gave up smoking, and, Carol informs me, we have magic water, with remarkable weight gaining properties, we are carrying an ounce or two of extra weight, so a discovery of this kind was a treat...... I took five, and thought no more about it.

After a very busy day today, out of nowhere, I remembered the biscuits in the bread bin. Two lovely cups of tea made, and in I went. ONE LEFT........ " Have you seen this Carol,,, somebody's ate all of the gingernuts, bar ONE". Didn't know I'd left one, she replied and ate that one too.

Typical woman.. You don't like them she says. I ****dy do. Don't you hate it when that happens.

Take your time

Many years ago my dad gave me a DIY tip. Take your time, prepare, think the job through. At the moment I am spending that much time thinking, planning and adding to my to do list, that not a lot seems to be getting done around here.

It seems ages ago now but do you remember me telling you about my bathroom tiles and how I have just a wall and a bit left to do. Well, the bathroom saw a bit of action today. Around the bath was in real need of that silicone sealant, (is that what they use for lady's chests ?). I have used this type of stuff before so it didn't really pose much of a problem.

Then a little voice said "Take your time". So rather than using my pre wetted finger to smooth my newly applied Super Tough, Ultra White, Anti Mould, Long Lasting Silicone, It was off to my garage to find a silicone sealant profile forming spreader tool type thing. I knew I didn't have one but thought I could make one. Which of course I did. Cool, Good Job, Nice One.

On offering my new tool up to the previously applied sealer, That is when the penny dropped. Take your time (unless the silicone goes off and starts to set in FIVE MINUTES). What a mess. It has taken me ages to get the mess off, go to my favorite DIY shop for a new tube of sealant and a Real applicator. . . . . At last job done one off my list. But look at the time.

Countdown

For some strange reason during the week I came out with a true fact, one that spread instant fear amongst listeners to my radio show. One Hundred days to go before Christmas, not long off eh, cant wait, love Christmas. But hang on... Both Carol and myself are approaching two years of being None Smokers, and I don't mind telling you, we have put on an ounce or two.

Time to get fit maybe, if we both start being really healthy we could look like models by Christmas.

Since my summer holiday (and not going away) I seem to have got into the habit of watching a certain type of channel on my TV, after hours. And before you say it, My channels are in the six hundreds, not the Nine hundreds like my mate. (its ok Dan I wont tell anyone its you).

What a bargain, that will make us really healthy, give us a body detox, lots of vitamins and energy. A Power Juicer from "Pats the name". I love Power tools, so this should be good. Rather than pay the TV price and postage, I knew where to get one very similar, and its one that is made by "pats the name". Saw it in the mail advert for a Cash and Carry type place.

Got around to trying a recipe today. Detox and clean out your liver. Celery carrot's and Beetroot. Looked a little strange. Must work though, One sip and it cleaned out my whole stomach. Yuk (DON'T LIKE IT)

They are running away from me

Wasn't it quiet yesterday ?. Reason being, my mum arrived back home from her short holiday to Ireland, She had gone with my Uncle Alfie and auntie Jean. They have since continued their mammoth drive and are now back home in Portsmouth.

Mum wanted to go to a certain bay, and watch the sun set, as mentioned in an old song that she insisted on singing to me yesterday. It was a very long song, and I think I may have passed out during it, as I don't remember any of the Details. I do remember thinking to myself " Now I know where I got my singing voice from". (It was that bad).

Tuesday is my regular day to visit mum and take her some shopping, She likes regular because it doesn't interfere with her social life. Clubbing with My auntie Lilly, Bingo and every isle shopping. She didn't mind this week, as she had only just returned from her holiday. With the song and a cruise around the estate to find out why the lawn didn't need cutting. (the council did it on Tuesday) I was rather late getting home. Hence no blog yesterday, good job really,

Earlier in the day we had a picture emailed to us all at work. The picture was a preview of a Radio Station publicity shot of the DuneFM 10K running team, due to appear in a Southport newspaper. My boss insists I am an asset to the team, but I am not on the photograph.

I knew the team had hid from me the other day when I went out to pose. The preview is my proof. It shows the shower of ****ards running away. Boy would I have had a rant had I done a blog yesterday.

Happy Gerbil

Today at long last I have done a good deed. Akon our gerbil must be on his last legs, I think in gerbil years he must be about three hundred and five. Well, tonight he is busy with a new addition to his home. Its has took me a couple of hours, locked away in my workshop/garage (no room for a car).

My power tools and I teamed up to make Stairs for Akons Country Club home, and he loves them. The interest in Gerbils started a few years ago ,when Charlotte's Nan and Grandad thought that two gerbils would make a nice birthday present. (BAD MOVE).

It didn't seen long before I was resuscitating one of the gerbils after he collapsed in a heap for no apparent reason. It was to be just over a week before Carol and I went on a secret shopping trip to purchase a Gerbil lookalike for our departed friend.

We made doubly sure we got a male replacement but failed to get a lookalike and had to break the news to Charlotte. The small detail we missed was of course both Gerbils were little lady's.
At one count we were up to sixteen gerbils. With help from the pet shop we did manage to segregate the sexes and the need for more homes and extensions.

The Girls were housed in a palace with two levels and a lookout tower, Plus an external tube run that was rotated between their home and the Boys Country Club. The pet shop were very helpful. (Cost me a Fortune) And I was the one that cleaned them all out.

Akon is lonely. He is the last he seemed to be struggling to get up his tube from his bedroom to his kitchen/diner. He took to scratching about and generally being noisy to get attention, and a human hand to transfer him from one of the two levels.

Akon has now regained his independence and his dignity, and I may ad seems very impressed with my handywork. I think we got a happy Gerbil

Sorry I dont have a picture. I will see if I can get one tomorrow.

On The Run

In my very first blog I explained who inspired me to start out on this new form of media. It was a friend I hadn't seen for a number of years, Nick Margerrison. (or should I call him Nick Sheffield). Like me Nick is a top radio person, and I was fascinated to see he had embarked on a mission to become a stand up comedian. Don't even think about it

I also mentioned the fact that he is pretty good on a PC. Not two weeks in to blogging, he found me. Great to hear from him today. We are going to have a winter barbie. Well it will be winter by the time I Finnish all my jobs.

Big day at work tomorrow. A team photo shoot for the Dune FM 10k run. As if I am actually going to do it. What I do need from you is some good excuses or ways of escaping the embarrassment and humiliation, of not making it further than two hundred yards.

Email me your excuses via profile page or post them as comments . Also if you get a minute check out Nick blog on the link below.

You want to see the size of mine !!!

Had another busy day today. Went to see a friend of mine, Trevor Wilson at a secret location to tend to my pumkin. Trevor is the organizer of a very unique event and has very kindly let me grow my Giant Pumpkin at his gaff. If you are into growing big things you will understand the need for secrecy.

Each year the folk of Mere Brow Nr Ormskirk battle it out in the name of charity, to grow the biggest pumpkin. The year before last a Great British record was set by two school kids. This year the nominated charity is the NSPCC. This will be my third year in the competition. My main roll will be to host the weigh in and have a good day out.

I managed to amaze the locals last year with my 301 pound pumpkin. Some of this weight though came from my interviewing technique.(standing on the scales with my pumpkin.

The 2006 Mere Brow Giant Pumpkin Competition Weigh In will be held at 2pm Saturday 21st October 2006 at:Brandreth Farm, Tarlscough Lane, Burscough, Nr. Ormskirk, Lancashire, L40 0RJ. Click on the link below if you have a Big One and you would like me to weigh it. Or come along and join in the fun.

State of Shock

I have a little catching up to do with my blog.
Had a little chat on Friday with fellow blogger Eiain who gave me the information I needed to get my own web site www.daveturley.co.uk . Don't go yet because I have been pulling my hair out trying to Design my site and upload it.

In a fit of desperation I wondered away from my new friend (the keyboard) long enough to agree to take Carol to a shop.

How was I to know it was a carpet shop. You want to see how much she spent!!!!
Now I have to sort out my floorboards and re-decorate the Living room and hall.
I am totally stressed out now. Not finished the Bathroom or got my website working.
Bet I dont sleep now.

By the way click on the link below for Eiains Blog

Don't Like IT !!

Soon to be announced is the line up for the Dune FM Running team.
I can reveal that I have been approached by management and asked to take part in the Dune FM Seaside 10k on Sunday October 22nd at Victoria park in Southport. I have today at work been likened to linford Christie, (maybe to do with my huge lunchbox).

unfortunately they were getting me mixed up with Tony Christie. Now as mentioned only yesterday and in previous blogs, I have very high, extremely high cholesterol, a broken Metatarsal, and haven't run since collapsing in a heap after my school cross country. (not that long ago really)

We think a compromise has been reached, and in the name of charity Dan Roach our Drive-Time (single, hasn't got a girlfriend) jock has agreed to push me in a wheelchair. We may even dress us as Lou and Andy or I might drop out at the last minute. If you fancy coming to watch or get involved check out the link to our Radio Station website.

Are they making a film ?

Had a task to do as soon as I arrived home today. My blog is updated on my laptop in the dining room half of the lounge/diner at Turley Towers, just four inches away from my drumkit (I am still quite pants at playing them, so not ready for playing on stage)

Anyway, while at work today one of our I T experts was doing his stuff (making computers and printers work). When I happened to mention about the way my Broadband connection throws me off-line at random intervals. Try this said Nick and gave me some really easy things to try in an effort to sort out my irritating little problem.

Two and a half hours it took me to get back on-line but I got some screen shots to show him tomorrow. (I can pretend iI went away for my holidays when I show him my snaps. At least he will be interested in them).

Whilst driving home filled with all my new computer knowledge, I spotted a film crew. Not your little TV camera with a light on the top but massive Lights, Big wagons, crew and actors. Who were they ? What were they doing ? What's the film, who's in it ? If You know please let me know. They were at the Tesco Garage and Spar shop on the main route between Southport and Ormskirk. I would normally stop, but my head was full of stuff to fix my compu.......

X-Factor treat

Did you see the X-Factor this week ?.
And do you remember the girl who sang "Time to say goodbye" Then, did just that, by telling the judges she wasn't actually old enough to go through to boot camp.

Only fourteen, I don't believe it, she looked older, she certainly sounded it. On watching this event unfold I had a really strange feeling of "I THINK I KNOW HER" but didn't know were I would know her from. (I left school ages ago)

Even whilst at work today I was telling my listeners (THAT GIRLIE FROM THE X-FACTOR WILL BE ON LATER WITH MY MATE DAN ROACH)It was only when she arrived at the Dune FM studio's did the penny drop. Saw her mum and sister first then Paris from Crosby.

My new claim to fame is that Paris from x-factor was singing on our Radio station stage for the Crosby Christmas light switch on with her Little sister. (another great talent). And I know them. Paris has just turned fifteen and will have the world at her feet. It was a pleasure to meet her and her family. What a star.
If you would like to see more click on the link and go to the DuneFM galleries.


Good Luck. XX

Look what I got sent

Back to work for me and School for Charlotte today. One of the perks for me with having Charlie being back at school, is the quality of my butties for work has improved. Carol is now forced to get proper stuff for butties, and make them or face the wrath of a teenager. (I don't Matter).

I once, put up with Cheese slices and Branston butties every day for nearly three years. That's probably why my cholesterol was through the roof. Anyway Glad to be back at work and made up my listeners and work mates missed me.

Thank you to a very good friend of mine from my Hospital Radio days, Brian ( he was my programme controller) he came across these little pearls of wisdom, and I feel I ought to share them with you. (they are very funny and true).


GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2. When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5. You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10. The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.

Back on the Radio Tomorrow

As mentioned yesterday the European Space Agency crashed their orbiter SMART-1 into the moon this morning. To cloudy to see it in real life but found out it was to be featured on The Sky At Night. They did mention it but no pictures. Bet they didn’t crash it at all. Bet they sold it on EBay, something I’ve not done yet.

My summer holidays are over, finished, come to an end. Back to work in the morning, hope I can remember how to work the studio equipment. In for about 9.00 and On Air between 10.00 and 2.00pm. If you are in the UK you can listen online, just click on the link below.

May have to go to my mums on the way home. I usually go on a Tuesday but she's going to Ireland with my uncle Alfie and Aunty Jean for a holiday. They have never been and can’t wait. Bet mum gets me to cut her grass if I go.

Looking forward to catching up with my regular listeners tomorrow and you, if you get a minute.

Its all happening on the Moon

At last, a chance to get my telescope out. On the news the other night I saw a piece about The European Space Agency and their orbiter SMART-1 and how it is expected to crash on the surface of the moon on Sunday morning — on purpose.

The 285-kilogram spacecraft, which was launched in September 2003 and has been orbiting the moon since November 2004, will end its mission by crashing into the moon.

The dust and rock from the impact could rise up to 20 kilometers from the lunar surface and may be visible to amateur astronomers using home telescopes.

SMART-1 is small (about the size of a dishwasher, but with 14-metre solar wings),
And looks remarkably like the object Wallace and Grommet found on the Moon in "A GRAND DAY OUT". Crackin Film Eh lad.

The impact is expected to occur in the Lake of Excellentiae in the southern hemisphere at around 7.42.

Hope I see it. What a waste

It's Friday

As a rule I love Fridays, the whole weekend to look forward to with no work till Monday. It doesn’t feel the same though when it’s the last Friday of your summer holidays.

Lots of bits and bobs to sort today and a last minute barbeque, plus more than a few beers. Hence the late and probably incoherent blog. A bit of a practice run really for a Saturday night gathering of a few friends. Seemed to go dark quite early today and pretty cold too.(soon be Christmas)

While out doing bits and bobs today, managed to agree with Carol (head of making dinners) on a new livingroom/diningroom carpet and floor coverings for the kitchen and bathroom oh and the hall. Mr Man is coming to measure up on Monday once Carol is out of bed. (About two in the afternoon)

Think that’s why the few beers went down so well. Not only will it be expensive but I have to take all the existing floor covering up, and make good dodgy floorboards.

Plan for tomorrow is to chill, Sweet home Chicago and Freebird on my CD player full volume and a good de-stress as I play along on my Drum Kit. Oh and friends later.

A Nice day in

Had one of those tidy up days today. Thought it would be a good idea while waiting in for a Parcel delivery firm to call and play Knock and run. The garage needed doing anyway, and they wouldn’t be able to sneak down the drive without me knowing.

I had managed to order a very expensive pair, or is it a set of BHD hair straighteners for Charlotte. Its back to school on Monday and she can't attend or even step out of the house with anything other than straight hair, and it has to be done using bhd's.. She's 15. Enough said.
Hope they are genuine. Bought them off the internet and was emailed by the supplier to inform me of the immanent arrival sometime today.

Would you believe it, delivered fist thing, no problems. Did the garage clean out anyway. Three trips to the tip and a grim discovery of a damp wall. I will put that on my list of things to do.

But Charlotte's happy.... well I think she is, She's 15. Enough said

No rest for the wicked

It's been in my car since Friday, and I knew as soon as I took my mums new lawn mower to her, it would be a busy day.

Going back a little, my mum decided she needed a brand new lawn. So my big brother John and I took up the challenge to get it sorted. I managed to purchase the toughest grass Ever. We laid the new turf in the recent heat wave and ever since it's not stopped raining, nor the grass stopped growing.

Last week, it was noted the grass had reached an impressive six inches tall, and was ready for its first cut. Mum suggested that although she lives in sheltered housing and the council maintains the lawn anyway, a mower of her own would be a good idea.

I’ve got a feeling either Lou or Andy from little Britain is based on my mum. " I DONT LIKE IT", was the response to a hover Hoover mower, light and easy to use. " I WANT THAT ONE". Hence the monster of a mower I took to mums today and had to drag around hers and one or two of her neighbors gardens. That’s after an hour putting it together.

Then came the request I always joke about, Do me a favor Dave while the lady next door is at the shops, nip out and trim her bush.

Well, with all the work done and a happy mum. A hug, a Kiss, and a can u nip and put my lottery on for me. No rest for the wicked.

In the last week of my holidays now. The first week flew by, and hardly anything achieved.

At home, the list of jobs on the go is mounting.

The Bathroom has been an epic task. Removing our bright yellow suite and pink tiles seemed like a good idea at the time. Then I remembered I am not a plumber, plasterer or tiler, but I like DIY, so I will give it a go. (That was in May)

On one of my many Power tool shopping trips I spotted another tool I really needed (as you do) a Laser Leveler, Handy for........... err.... Laser leveling. Wish I hadn’t. With three walls now tiled my new laser leveler would show me that my tiles are straight and will........... not meet and are not level. That’s going to slow the job down.

The Kitchen on the other hand is nearly finished. Just needs the floor fixing.
Had a word with Big Brother 1 Winner Craig Philips (perk of the job) "easy to fix.. Just lift up the floor joists and pack them". That’s going to slow the job down a bit. (Thats Charlotte from Turley Towers in the Pic)

I know I could get a carpet for the hall. It’s not had one for three years. Just needs the floor doing, decorating, and the jobs done.

Later maybe.... my beer is getting warm.

What took me so long

Well its finally here. Day 1. My first Blog.

Firstly I must say thank you for inspiring me to get off my butt and put finger to keyboard to an old mate of Mine Nick Margerrison, (I don't mean he's old)

let me explain. I am a bit of a technophobe, Nick on the other hand is a techno whiz.
Having worked with Nick at a Radio Station in Lancaster (The Bay 96.9FM) a few years ago, I thought it time to catch up.

On doing a web search for my long lost buddy and finding him in Sheffield (Hallam FM )doing very nicely thank you, came across this phenomenon called a blog.

The only problem being, I have been so nosy checking out his blog and finding out how to do mine, I have of course neglected to give him a call. (what am I like)

Started Day 1 a little late cos it was my son Peter's Birthday and we went for a pub lunch 3 humiliating games of pool. Where (I DON'T BELIEVE IT ) my son told me I had to get out more. He then proceeded to tell me about a couple sat near us. The Girl hardly looked old enough to be in a pub with this 40 something bloke with a porsche parked outside that go to Swinging parties. ( I DONT BELIEVE IT ) lost 3 games of pool.